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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24815536">"I get it, and that's not a problem."</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithekay/pseuds/Ithekay'>Ithekay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I got so hyped i wrote this in one sitting-, Inspired By Tumblr, Inspired by tenk0saur’s post on tumblr, My First Work in This Fandom, no beta we just die, tw: homophobic language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:33:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,549</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24815536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithekay/pseuds/Ithekay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>April always hated school, but this was too much.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>April O'Neil &amp; Leonardo (TMNT), April O'Neil/Sunita (TMNT) (briefly mentioned)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by tenk0saur’s post on tumblr. https://tenk0saur.tumblr.com/post/620832022944972800/sorry-this-is-short-but-it-was-a-little-practice</p>
<p>TW: Homophobic Language</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>April O’Neil <em>loathed</em> school.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She loved learning, don’t get her wrong, she just disliked the people at school. </p>
<p>She hated the judgemental stares and demeaning glares she got from the people around her. She knew it all stemmed from her passionate and outgoing personality, in her confidence like when she argued against the teacher for his stupid mysonginistic ideas and subsequent three day suspension. </p>
<p>It wasn’t her fault that the teacher had started to trumpet around his misogynistic ideas, or when he started looking at the girls in her class. She had evidence too! Taking pictures of his suspicious behaviour, making reports all in effort to get rid of the teacher who was obviously ill-suited to teach. But it was a fruitless effort, time and time again it was rejected, even when she brought it up to her other teachers, or made a big deal about it in front of her classmates, hoping that they too would stand up for their rights, but nothing.</p>
<p>No voices joined her, nobody believed her, nobody <em>trusted her-</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>The most in support was the shy but very uncomfortable smiles some of her harassed classmates made, imploring- no, begging her to sit down and continue class as per usual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Word spreads really fast in schools, student gossip quickly swept the school, and soon enough everyone knew about her. The next time she stepped into the school zone, she could hear the judgement and feel their stares raising hairs on the back of her neck. Whispers were poorly covered by a measly hand, so she could hear them everywhere she went.</p>
<p>“<em>Is that April O’Neil?</em>” They’d snide.</p>
<p>“<em>I heard that she…</em>”</p>
<p>And rumours spread just as more than the bad rep she got. She heard people comment about her skin, her behaviours, her ideals, but it was easy enough to ignore. She didn’t want to stand by as if she couldn’t hear, or worse, couldn’t stand up for herself, but she knew confronting them would just make it worse too. </p>
<p>Teenagers can be so cruel.</p>
<p>But as her friendship grew for Sunita, and maybe her tiny crush she vehemently squashed down whenever it arose, new rumours spread too. </p>
<p>
  <em>“Fag.”</em>
</p>
<p>The word haunted her everywhere. Once, she could shed her skin of anxiety after she reached home, but now it weighed on her, a burden she didn’t- <em>couldn’t</em>  let go off. </p>
<p>April knew she liked girls from a young age, but always kept it hidden as best she could. It helped that she had no friends at school who would actively pry into her romantic life, well, she had the turtles. Those guys would hear her out on anything she said, but they didn’t pry when she shut the topic down either, which she would be infinitely grateful for.</p>
<p>She could be herself when she was around them, be her <em>true</em> self she dared not show to anyone. The April that was weird, who loved the thrill of a life-threatening chase, the one who embraced the existence of mutants and yokai, and took them in stride. And in that sense, it was kind of like being another turtle in the family, she hid in her shell in the day, and thrived in the wacky adventures and hijinks her basically-brothers always got themselves into.</p>
<p>So of course, with the new weight she started to carry, interacting with anyone, not just the other kids in school became so <em>exhausting</em>. </p>
<p>Nowadays, she gets concerned side glances from Raph, or lectures from Dr. Feelings or the increasingly common comforting chatter of Leo. She even got raised eyebrows from Donnie, who normally concerned himself with his tech gadgets and left the emotions for his brothers to take care of. That wasn’t to say that Donnie was a bad friend though, there were plenty of times where she relaxed in the pleasant silence or rhythmic jostling of the joystick as Donnie played every now and again.</p>
<p>She hated the worry that they showed for her, she was supposed to be the eldest, the caretaker, even though that was technically Raph’s job. But she couldn’t help break down under their concern, they only wanted to help, but they <em>couldn’t help to fix her-</em></p>
<p>Logically she knew it wasn’t a problem, it wasn’t a flaw, but she also couldn’t help but think that when it was all that was fed down her throat at school. Yet another reason to hate the damn place. However, in her vulnerable state she hated not being normal, hated her quirky, spunky, hyper personality. For once in her life she wanted to be normal, because it was so tiring to be judged, to be talked about by people she didn’t even recognise-</p>
<p>It was part of her, something even the great April O’Neil couldn’t change, and she dared not ask Donnie for help, just in case he accidentally altered her personality like that unspoken incident that Donnie denies ever occurred.</p>
<p>When the stress and the concern increased with each passing day, she felt the need to hide from the turtles, to leave so they couldn’t see her crumble inside. She pulled away into her apartment feeling too drained to face anyone or do anything at all. She hated the feeling of being weak but simultaneously couldn’t bring herself to do anything productive either. </p>
<p><em>Weak</em>, her mind taunted her again.<em> Just accept what you are, fag.</em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey do you know what’s wrong with April lately?”</p>
<p>“Noooo..?” Donnie drawled, not sparing a look away from his phone.</p>
<p>“Isn’t it weird how she hasn’t been hanging out with us lately?” Leo continues, “And the last time we saw her she looked so tired. She ain’t gucci and it’s showing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m just going to pretend I never heard what you said, but! In hindsight  she doesn’t seem to be as quote ‘spunky’ as usual.” Donnie agreed.</p>
<p>“Yeah! She didn’t even bring her bat with her, and she always does it just in case we have to kick ass!” Raph added.</p>
<p>“She hasn’t been texting me either!” Mikey whined.</p>
<p>“Something’s up and we’re going to find out!” Leo declared, raising his odachi, “Who’s with me!” </p>
<p>“Eh, sorry ‘Nardo but I have to finish repairing all my tech from you know, that time Shredder shredded all of it?” Donnie said.</p>
<p>“And I have to finish up my painting before it dries,” Mikey joined, “Sorry Leo.”</p>
<p>“Raph?”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” He scratched the back of his neck, “I promised Buddy that I’d spar with him today too.”</p>
<p>“Well I guess I’m going solo this time around.” Leo bemoaned, as he swung his sword to summon a portal. “See you guys later!”</p>
<p>He steps into the blue light and comes out the other in April’s apartment. </p>
<p>“April?” Leo called, “Are you here?”</p>
<p>He glanced around the room, to find the room trashed and in a state of disarray, unlike the unkept tidiness April somehow achieved, which reminded him somewhat of Donnie’s lab. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>A quiet groan filtered over into the room, indicating to Leo that April was indeed home. Just as Leo was about to call out again, a paw on his leg caught his attention.</p>
<p>“Mayhem?” Leo asked, “What’s happenin’ to our girl, April?”</p>
<p>A whine, then he followed Mayhem into April’s room. </p>
<p>He could see a mess of comforters and plushies on the bed, and a shock of curly hair from the blanket burrito that had made its home on April’s bed. Though the turtles have known April for a long time, this sight was very uncharacteristic of her, normally she’d be out and running, howling her name but now? Leo didn’t know what happened to April, but it was definitely something serious.</p>
<p>He gently set himself down on the bed, but the shift in weight must have disturbed April anyways if her muffled cry of “go away” was anything to go by.</p>
<p>This was definitely serious then.</p>
<p>“April? It’s been a week since you last hung out with us!” Leo carefully prodded, “We’re worried for you, what’s happening to you?”</p>
<p>A sob, the silence dragged on for a few beats, before,</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t understand.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t understand what?” Leo questioned again, “There’s nothing Neon Leon can’t understand, so tell me girl, what’s on your mind?”</p>
<p>Leo was getting worried, she obviously wasn’t in the mood for adventures or pizza, let alone getting out of bed. He missed the spunk and enthusiasm she’d bring into the sewers when she visited. </p>
<p>“Leave me alone.”</p>
<p>“No, I’m staying here until you tell me what’s going on.” Leo remained firm. “Everyone needs to be dazzled by my presence once in a while.”</p>
<p>“There’s nothing to understand, now get out.”</p>
<p>Sighing, Leo let go of his false bravado, while it normally helped to further conversations, it clearly wouldn’t help much in this situation.</p>
<p>“April, please.” he begged, “It’s been so long since we last saw you, and now I find you here looking like a hot mess, as your friend of course I’ll be-”</p>
<p>“<em>I like girls okay?</em> That’s the problem Leo!” April cried, swinging the blankets off the bed, “I don’t know what to do! Everyone at school thinks I’m even <b>weirder</b> now and I-”</p>
<p>She broke into sobs, hot tears flowed down her face as she hugged herself on the bed, as if willing the earth to hide her from the world, from her friends, from Leo.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It truly saddened Leo to see her friend like this, and for this reason? Even more so.</p>
<p>“I get it.” He said quietly, just a decibel above a whisper, as if it was a secret, though his orientation never was. “And that’s not a problem.” He reached out to hug April, silently embracing her as she broke down. His heart broke along with her walls as it pained him to see his friend like this.</p>
<p>The tearful gasps grew more numerous and sharp as he continued to hug her, and as much as he wanted to comfort her with words, but knew the tentative silence would do much more. After this, he’ll bring her back to the lair, where she can be showered with acceptance from all of them, but for now? He’ll stay by her side until she lets it all out.</p>
<p>Because April O’Neil will be okay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. a continuation of sorts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aftermath</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>man i have no idea how this became so leo centric, i swear it was an april fic and then this happened hajavsshjava.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leo continued to hold until the cries died down and shallow gasps turned into shaky and long-drawn out breaths.</p><p>“You good?” Leo asks, breaking the fragile silence that hung over them.</p><p>A shaky breath sounded out, then another, before a nod.</p><p>Slowly, Leo pulls away from April’s uncharacteristically small form hunched on the bed, quietly moving from the bed to pick up his odachi he had discarded somewhere on the floor. </p><p>“C’mon,” Leo made a circle in the air, calling upon the familiar blue portal. “Do you want me to carry you?”</p><p>“No, I can walk…” she replied, but her voice still carried tremors.</p><p>“Whatever you say, m’lady.”</p><p>April stood up and started to move towards the portal, while she wasn’t shaking anymore her movement conveyed the exhaustion, confident strides turned smaller, more nervous, one could even say it was meek, if April could ever be called that in the first place. She walks into the portal, Leo following closely after.</p><p>“Guys! We need some urgent TLC over here!” Leo calls out, facade falling naturally back into place, as if it never slipped off in the first place.</p><p>The turtles rushed over to overwhelm her with their concern, Mikey immediately came to April’s side, as did Donnie, while Raph quickly prepared the sleeping bags and brought all the plushies into the living room. Leo slipped away from April’s side to help Raph prepare, knowing that Donnie and Mikey were fully capable of handling her. Leo went ahead to take their set of Jupiter Jim movies to marathon, as per tradition whenever any of them were in need of comfort.</p><p>Leo slowed down once he was out of sight, reminiscing his own experience when coming out, it wasn’t too different from April’s actually. But he could reflect about it later, April comes first. April was in good hands, his brothers always knew how to comfort each other, and by extension April too. It was only a matter of time until she finally realises that her sexuality doesn’t define her, if his experience had anything to say.</p><p>He came out to the sight of the turtles already settling April into the mass of fluff in front of the television screen. Mikey had started wrapping April into a blanket burrito, Raph had started settling into the pillows, and Donnie’s endless chatter helped to fill the silent room as they waited for Leo’s return.</p><p>He handed the case to Donnie, letting him start the movies as he gave himself time to settle in. April seemed pretty content with the comfort she was being given, but etched in her face were still the fatigue and exhaustion of the days past. He could see the doubt and insecurity yet to fully leave, and could almost hear her thoughts he shared in the past.<em> Am I really deserving of all of this attention?</em> Seemed to speak the loudest.</p><p>Leo didn’t know how to say more, knowing that the others could comfort her more than he could, so he laid still. He wanted to offer more, but his silent presence would be enough until he figured out what to do with himself.</p><p>The dim screen brightened as the movie started rolling, Donnie joined the cuddle pile, after he sat the remote. The triumphant and iconic music of the Jupiter Jim movies seemed like a silent buzz in his brain, when otherwise it got him pumped and cheering, too lost in his thoughts to fully register. <em>What should he do? What can he do in this situation?</em> All the while being sucked into the long slide of memories.</p><p>He couldn’t avoid the pull of his own ghosts fully, already distracted from the screen only a few metres away from him. Remembering his own breakdown as he realised he wasn’t <em>‘normal’</em> all too similar to April’s made him ask himself why hadn’t he seen the signs earlier?</p><p>Hours droned by, Leo continued to stare blankly through the screen. Around him he could feel the ups and downs of his brothers’ chests, Raph’s snores louder than the movies. He lifted his head to check on Mikey and April, and they were blissfully asleep as well.</p><p>Leo sighed, getting up to make himself a cup of chamomile tea, that helped soothe his insomnia, if only by a bit. He walked around, cup in hand back to the living room, silently picking up the remote to turn it off again. </p><p>The silence that ensued was a comfort, as he could finally hear his internal voices battling for control instead of vague ideas bulldozed over by the sound of movies in the background. Finally being able to seperate the voices allowed him to focus and calm down, letting the tea work its magic on him. </p><p><em>Let the demons be quelled tomorrow</em>, he thought, it was much too late to be awake at this hour.</p><p>He gulped down the last of his tea, placing it in the sink before returning to the warmth of the cuddle pile, it wasn’t long after he drifted off to the sound of snores.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! I see you've made it to the end (it's not that long what am I talking about)</p>
<p>Uh, this is my first work in the fandom (and I'm not used to writing much other than that, schoolwork is a mountain I struggle to conquer). I hoped you like it? Feel free to leave a comment on how I can improve, cuz I was struggling a lot with characterisation, at least on the turtles' end.</p>
<p>Thanks for reading! Have a good night/day ahead!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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